Yorkshire: The Texas of England

Not as flat as Texas

Going up North usually means a trip to Liverpool. Not this time. On this occasion I'm going up to Yorkshire, the Texas of England!

The Pussification of James Bond

 

In the novels by Ian Fleming, James Bond smokes like a trooper, shags like a rabbit, drinks like a fish. He's handy with a knife and has enough spunk to carry a ladies handbag gun. He is supposed to be what every man would like to be, and what every woman wants between the sheets. In short, James Bond 007 is a tedious masturbatory fantasy suitable for members of either sex.

A Stroll Around Rotting Hill

Campden Hill Towers and the far side of Notting Hill Gate

Unexpectedly, I am back home on Rotting Hill Gate. A good time to continue my stroll in the graveyard of memory and the ghosts of businesses past!  

Return to Terminus

Digging up bamboo stumps in the "yard". 

 

X1 DVD of Alistair Cooke's America; 200 Duty Free Cigarettes (Benson and Hedges); X2 Clarins for Men Moisturiser; X3 Boots No.7 Anti-Aging Serum; alcohol units 0 (almost five years); minutes thinking about women I shouldn't fancy 4 (vg).

Memory Hold The Door on Notting Hill Gate!

Drunken lunch at Costas (2010)  

There are times when I want to reach out and hold back the day. Maybe it has something to do mythologizing the past or the basic human longing for a world now vanished?

Causing Trouble in London

The Male Trailing Spouse at a book launch in Soho (June 2015)

"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford."

Liverpool Diary

 

"I wish I was back in Liverpool, Liverpool town where I was born...

The Holland Park School Trip to Russia

I have been rummaging through the files at HQ in Notting Hill for an old school report from May of 1985. I thought it was lost but here it is, unedited, and unexpurgated, for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

London Diary

I returned from America last Saturday morning pretty well disgusted with life. 

Englishman at large in Grant Park

"Reg Prescott" - Kenny Everett's inept DIY expert.

Plastering is "mudding," filler is "caulk" and skirting boards are "trim" - welcome to DIY in the USA. 

Buying a House on April Fools' Day

I bought a house on April Fools' Day. More fool me? Hell no! Not at $199,000 in Grant Park, an "up and coming area" of Atlanta once populated by low income people of African-American ethnicity.  Local historical records, dating back to 1883, refer to the neighborhood as "Rebel Acres". Hmm... a fitting place for me to lay low and contemplate the here, now and whatever. 

The further adventures of an Englishman in Atlanta

11st 7lb (dude, where's my abs?), alcohol units 0 (organic carrot juice these days), cigarettes 6 (can do better).

The Loneliness of the Male Trailing Spouse

 

There is no greater solitude than that of the Male Trailing Spouse unless it is that of the tiger in the jungle... Perhaps...

Winter Reading in the New South

11st 9lb (time to go up to super-middleweight?); alcohol units 0 (no booze since September 2010); Jamaican Woodbines 6 (early onset of psychosis, give up for Chinese New Year?); calories (not counting this week).

The Stepford Husband

 

 

Where is the picture perfect town of Stepford? And what is it about this pretty postcard place that brings out the very best and the very worst in your nearest and dearest?

Notes on the class struggle in Metro Atlanta

 

11st 9lb (but can lose 3lb pronto on Trader Joe's low fat chicken noodle soup diet); alcohol units 0; Jamaican Woodbines 3(vg); hamburgers 12.

February is a Suitable Month for Laughing

 

February is a suitable month for laughing at life in America. 

Letter from Atlanta

 

I do miss Letter from America, Alistair Cooke's weekly show on BBC Radio 4. The 15-minute series ran from March 1946 to February 2004, and was the longest running "speech radio" programme in broadcasting history. 

Life At The Top

 

Power! Fame! Women! It's hard to believe but life at the top sucks to high heaven.

Winter in Atlanta

Der Struwwelpeter (1845)

Bare oaks with Struwwelpeter limbs, moaning winds and pewter cast skies, it's winter in Atlanta, the capital city of Georgia. 

Hollywood or Bust?

 

The year is 2015 and it's nigh time for a sitrep on my dealings in the palm fucking world of the film biz. Way baby, let's go!