The Male Trailing Spouse is back in his milieu. The film biz to be precise. Hooray for Hollywood, "that screwy, ballyhooey Hollywood" and Hooray for me!
This career redevelopment has come as a complete surprise to my loyal posse of female admirers.
"How'd you get that?"
Because I come highly recommended, you fucking airheads (clearly they underestimate me).
Saint: my learned patron, friend and brother.
It all started when I touched down last August in Atlanta after 9 years in sweaty Bangkok. My pal "Saint" (all principals are codenamed) was fresh from the commercial success of a feature film (it cost £2M and made £20M for Lionsgate) and on the spiel in LA for project 2 and beyond.
We had a play on the BBC in 2003. BBC Films were interested in commissioning another drama but Hanif Kureishi's old missus, the gaffer at Beeb flicks, thought the protagonist of our tale was "too unlikeable" and knocked us back. Shortly after, in October 2003, I was sent overseas to the Kingdom of Thailand as a "DFID spouse" and completely forgot about the film and TV biz.
Until I was posted to the USA in August 2012...
Colin Welland (left) wins an Oscar for best screenplay (Chariots of Fire) in 1981
Saint was ebullient.
"The British are coming! Mate, this is fantastic, America will be the making of you!"
(Or the breaking).
"In London, there are three doors for a director, here, I got 300, and no negative bullshit to deal with. You'd love it, you would be in your element. I was hanging out with Walter Hill the other night and we were talking about Colin Welland and Z Cars. It was surreal."
The Male Trailing Spouse is available for hire!