I like my presidents to be unelectable. Demagogues. Bullies. Tyrants. Mad dogs capable of starting World War 3 on a whim. Donald J. Trump, a thrice married, thrice bankrupt, property tycoon turned reality TV star, is that fool and then some.
And so, with great pride and surges of dual national patriotism, the Male Trailing Spouse (who is an American citizen from a family of Democrats) hereby endorses "billionaire" Trump to be President of the United States.
If you don't like that, or, if you have a problem with that, the reason is very simple. You are a liberal whack job who doesn't understand fiscal economics or monetary policy. Neither do I. Neither does Mr. Trump. But that's beside the point. He is a self made rich kid who has made billions. Just imagine how much he can make for the USA as its C.E.O.? Trillions. How much has Obama made? How much have you made? Not enough for a baloney sandwich. Go figure.
America has huge problems, huge problems. But Mr. Trump has good people, very good people, the best people, who can close deals with China in 10 minutes flat. Solving the economic and geopolitical problems of modern day America is really that simple. We don't need taxes. Not for the wealthy. How else is wealth supposed to trickle down from us rich people? We need to tax the needy, not the greedy. And we don't need no stinking Affordable Health Care either. I don't want to subsidize losers who can't even pay their health insurance, I would rather spend that money on nukes. What we need to do, as Americans, is to remind people, like foreigners, that the USA is the big man on campus. So nuke 'em till they glow. it worked on Nagasaki and Hiroshima. It'll even work on you and the rest of your Hillary voting friends.
At this point in my blog, you might have a problem. This is because you are a bimbo, a no-talent whack job, who has never stolen from Peter to pay Paul (or vice versa). Mr. Trump has. He is a billionaire. You are an angry member of the 99% looking for a hand out. He is a TV star. You are a civilian. A non-entity. In short, a scum sucking and fucking disgusting member of the public. Because Mr. Trump has been on TV, he knows things that We The People don't. And what do you really know, for crying out loud? You probably can't even coordinate your own tattoos. Mr. Trump doesn't need to. He doesn't have tattoos. He wears $10,000 suits. You need to leave the big problems of the world to big people like Mr. Trump. He is a billionaire who has many celebrity friends. Who do you know and what do you do? You are a flea, who whines about bankers and multinationals (and other subjects above your pay grade) with your loser friends over the latest craft beer. When you are a banker, a property developer, or a reality TV star with a wig and fake tan, then I might listen to you. In the meantime, know your place and shut your face.
For Mr. Trump, and it is always Mr. Trump, the art of the deal is the presidency for the steal. Look at all of those slick and seasoned politicians he has seen of thus far. Mr. Trump is an animal. Mr. Trump's unstoppable. Mr. Trump's an angry white man of the angry white people, and they want their angry white man in the White House. That's democracy in the simple majority system, and it sucks. But can you think of a better alternative? Please don't say fascism or communism. That's too 20th Century, too retro, too desperate, too obvious. But hang on a mo, if you peasants voted for Mr. Trump, you would be electing a dictator... but that's the whole point of voting for Mr. Trump in the first place, right?
I'd best vote Democrat in November. It's a family tradition.